Happy Valentine’s Day Everybody!
If you haven’t guessed from the title, I’m talking about 50 Shades of Grey. Now, at first, I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk about this film. I really don’t want to give it any more attention than it already has. But I also feel it’s important to talk about things that are going in the world, whether they’re good or bad.
In this case, 50 Shades falls under the category of ‘bad’. Written by E.L. James and originally posted online as Twilight fanfiction, 50 Shades of Grey quickly became the fastest selling paperback ever. It beat the record once help by Harry Potter so I don’t think it was really much of a surprise to anyone when they announced it would be turned into a film.
This should have great news. Despite it being Twilight fanfiction, this story had a chance to be great. A look in to the world of BDSM without making a joke about. Except, I don’t think E.L. James ever bothered to look up the description of BDSM.
These two came from Urban Dictionary:
” An overlapping abbreviation of Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM).”
” A physical, psychological and usually sexual power-role-play with consensual participants.”
Instead of showing a healthy BDSM relationship, 50 Shades depicts a poorly written story about manipulation and abuse.
‘”We’re going,” he says to me.
Oh shit, he is not to be argued with.’
‘Holy fuck what has he done to me… I look like I’ve been in some sort of accident… I’m too mad. How dare he mark me like this.’
‘”No, please. I can’t do this. Not now. I need some time. Please.”
“Oh Ana, don’t over think this.”‘
Those are actual quotes from the book. Credit for finding them goes to The Sixth Siren of Pandora. Do any of these quotes sound like a healthy relationship? No. They don’t. However, they do sound like someone in a manipulative and abuse relationship who has been hurt and is too scared to fight back.
It’s perfectly find and healthy to explore BDSM. However, make sure you know what it really is before trying it.
- BDSM is not one person guilting the other into submission.
- BDSM is not ignoring safe words.
- BDSM is not deliberately scaring and hurting the other person.
- BDSM is not done without both partner’s consent.
If you read or see 50 Shades of Grey, please remember it is not an accurate depiction of a healthy BDSM relationship. Like I said before, it’s perfectly find to try new things and spice things up a bit, but make sure it’s done in a safe and healthy way that makes all people involved happy.
You can read more about BDSM here
If you feel you’re in a manipulative and abuse relationship, please call a friend or a family member or someone to help. You don’t have to stay there.